Monday, 20 August 2007

Exclusive Sports News In Brief Round-up-o-rama

Broad "disappointed" at not making début

Broad telling ghost stories to a captive audience

Promising young fast bowler Stuart Broad this week confirmed his disappointment at not making his test début in the recent test series against India. Broad, 21, told me earlier in the week outside a bus shelter in Melton Mowbray "I'm disappointed not to have played in the series, especially as I was widely tipped to play, but I know that my opportunity will come soon enough,". In what must have been the biggest disappointment of the youngster's life, he tried to put a brave face on the situation by adding "It's not as bad as finding a dead body behind the old gasworks when I was thirteen, I'll get over it. Not playing for England yet, not the dead body. That'll haunt me until I die,". The jovial quickie continued "I poked him with my cricket bat, but I really wish I hadn't; one of his eyes came right out of the socket. It was really disturbing".

England coach Peter Moores who was "excited" by the fast bowlers potential is now indicating that he may have made a mistake in keeping Broad as a 12th man, he said "the last thing Michael Vaughan wants to hear during a drinks break is how rigor mortis had begun to set in on the body that Stuart had found. Ian Bell might think it's all a big laugh, but Michael can't concentrate when all he can hear is Stuart going 'have you ever seen a dead body?' when he's trying to face Kumble, and I wouldn't like that either. He won't be playing Test cricket until he learns when to speak and when not to speak".

Stuart Broad is said to be currently reading the new Harry Potter book.

Gay hits back at "gay" jibes

Well, if you're going to take flowers with you to the starting line, people are going to talk

Really fast runner Tyson Gay has hit back against track and field fans who have questioned his sexuality. The rubber burning sprinter said "I'd just won the US Track and Field 100 metre Championship and was feeling pretty damn good 'bout myself, when all of a sudden the crowd start chanting "Gay, Gay, Gay". At first I thought it was directed at one of our high jumpers, but it soon dawned on me that it was me they were hollering at. There I was, the happiest moment of my life and it was ruined by people who don't even know me questioning my sexuality. What they don't know is that I had a girlfriend in High School, as well as two girlfriends in College. And I've been on dates with women as recently as May. I would go on more, but y'know, I have to train for the World Championships".

Gay's problems have not ended there; it now seems that his contemporaries have begun to enquire about his sexuality. Gay told me "I was at a meet in Europe last month when Asafa Powell comes up to me and goes 'Hey, are you Gay?'. I was, like, 'man, you don't even know me, you've never met me before and you're calling me gay?'. I was so mad at Powell, who does he think he is?".

Gay has responded to his critics by continuing to wear figure-hugging lycra outfits in the lead up to this weeks World Championships in Osaka, Japan.

Foulds in "I haven't seen him in years" claim

Hallett in pre-mobile phone days

Hellraising snookerer Neal Foulds has this week opened the lid on his relationship with ex-professional Mike Hallett. The winner of the 1984 Pontins Spring Open Championship told me when I questioned him on the whereabouts of Hallett "I haven't seen him in years, does he still live in Grimsby?". Standing outside the local Morrisons, the potting ace confessed that "we got on okay, I didn't see him outside of the snooker arenas; he seemed a perfectly amiable chap".

Hallett, when contacted, defiantly refused to shed any more light on their relationship "I didn't know him much more than to say 'Hello' to, but Tony Meo has said he's nothing but trouble, so don't give him my mobile number, yeah?".

Foulds, when questioned on whether he intended making nuisance calls to Hallett if he had his number said "I haven't got much credit, been texting Tony Meo".

Kwikfire Kwestions

This installment of the question and answer session that is so-fast-that-if-you-blink-you-might-miss-it-with-a-bit-of-luck features Scunthorpe Utd stopper Joe Murphy.

Insert caption here

Where were you born?


Nice place? Like it there?

Oh aye, it's grand.

What clubs have you played for?

Tranmere Rovers, West Brom, Walsall on loan a couple of times and now Scunthorpe.

Best moment in your career?

Oh, I dunno.

Married or Single?



No, I'm single.

Favourite Film?

Oh, I dunno.

Favourite Music?

Oh, I dunno. Let's all have a disco.

Favourite Holiday Destination?

I dunno, Dublin?

What will you do when you finish playing?

I haven't thought about that yet.

Thank you Joe!


1 comment:

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