To celebrate the fact that Exclusive Sports News has not yet had any law-talking guys threaten them with closure - or worse: censorship - we at Exclusive Sports Towers (actually, it's only a flat in a tower block - who'd have guessed?!) have decided to give you, the lucky reader, a chance to win some top-notch, exclusive prizes. All you have to do is answer as many of the questions that are sexily listed below as you possibly can. And then send your answers on an electronic mail to openminded597@yahoo.com along with your name, address and PIN for your debit card.
Prizes up for grabs include:
My old Olympique Marseille shirt (circa 1990. Waddle! Papin! Francescoli! Yes, you could acquire their look from almost twenty years ago!), assuming that my Mum is correct and that it's still in her attic.
A pin badge from a Georgian rugby team. This Paul McCartney-approved badge comes from back when Georgia was in the U.S.S.R. If there's a finer bit of communist sporting memorabilia on the market, then I haven't heard of it. Also included: comical cyrillic writing on the front!
Several Mexico 1986 Esso collectible coins! Back in the summer of '86 I'd go with my Dad when he went to put £5 worth of 3 star petrol in the car just so I could collect these coins. I can remember that I had Kerry Dixon, Ray Wilkins and possibly Mark Hateley. These could be yours to keep! Or to use! Perfect comedy coins for those that work in the retail industry - just try fobbing them off on a long-sighted pensioner for ultimate giggles.
Let the games begin ...
1. Donkey-cocked Brazilian football legend Garrincha lost his virginity to?
a) The Girl From Ipanema
b) Some donkey
c) Pele
2. Some girl I once knew gave hand relief to which of these footballers?
a) Jonathon Woodgate
b) Robbie Keane
c) Carl Dale
3. Which snooker player was in dire need of a shave when I saw him getting dragged around the shops by his missus about 3 years ago?
a) Darren Morgan
b) Mark Williams
c) Dominic Dale
4. Which former England cricket captain did I once see enjoying ham, egg and chips in a pub?
a) Michael Atherton
b) Alec Stewart
c) Sir Ian Botham
5. What did Australian custom officials say to me when I told them that my football boots were caked in good old British mud and hence a major threat to their eco-system (so they claimed)?
a) "Mate, we're going to have to burn 'em. You'll have to buy some new footie boots."
b) "We're going to have to keep 'em, mate. Do you have spares?"
c) "And you expect me to clean 'em? You Pommy barstard!"
I'll name the winners (and possibly the losers, too) in the next issue of Exclusive Sports News. If anyone actually enters, that is. If not, I'll e-mail my mate Lee with one correct answer so that he can win the prize.
Entries are limited to two per reader. False names can give you a better chance of winning. Exclusive Sports News reserves the right to choose the winner in the manner that they see fit. Does anyone ever read the competition rules? "I'm like a chicken trussed up against the car" - Some angry bloke on one of those 'Crime Britain' type programmes - 2007. The following people are not allowed to enter, any entries from them will be declared null and void: Ivor Biggun, That bloke Mike who used to sit opposite me in one of my old jobs, My Mum (she doesn't even have internet), any ex-girlfriends or women I have had flings with save for that girl from Bedford who was living in Liverpool when I met her in Leeds the day after I saw Grandaddy in London about 9 years ago, that bloke who is always really friendly to me in Tesco (You freak me out).
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